Monday, 19 July 2010

Diary Entry 9th July. Houston, Texas

I can't describe my trip from Houston to Austin in words any better than I did in my diary entry that day. So I am just going to copy it out onto this blog post. The first few paragraphs were written during the hour in which the bus was late.

9th July 2010 - Houston, Texas

I am at a bus stop at a bus station in Houston. I wouldn't know it was a bus stop if it didn't have this old, tattered sign saying so and even then I have doubts.

A woman just tried to give me money thinking I was a hobo... I technically am but I don't need her charity! Do I really look that poor? I said "Sorry, I am not a hobo. I am just waiting for a bus" Then again I am a hobo and I look like a hobo, all my clothes are old and ripped, my bags are in awful condition, I have no money, no job and no home. If I didn't have so many friends helping me out I would be a fully fledged hobo and would gladly, GLADLY!! have accepted that money! S**T!! I am a hobo! I am a bum. Land of opportunity? more like land opporSHMUNity!! (Finally an opportunity to say that... I just said opportunity, maybe it is the land of opportunity...) She's the one that looked like a hobo!! It's grunge! It's me retro 90s look... WHAT?!?! THERES A REAL HOBO BUT 20 METERS AWAY!! he's holding a sign and everything!! Why didn't she offer him the money? Maybe it is because he is mexican. This isn't even my lowest point!! I could have used that money two weeks ago, lady!! Then again I am pretty hungry and dehydrated.

AGAIN!?!?!?! Two (hot) girls just gave me a Gatorade and a pack of Doritoes! They saw me, went inside and bought me food and beverage, probably thinking if they gave me money I would just use it to feed my heroine addiction. I told them I wasn't a hobo and that I was just waiting for a bus but they just said "It's hot out here, Take it!" I accepted that one in the end I admit.

A THIRD F*****G time!!!!!! WHAT THE F***??????? some guy just gave me ten dollars! I said I wasn't a hobo and I was just waiting for a but but he said "Man, I know but I know what it's like travellin' all over the place. Take it, man!... I'm goin' to Austin tomorrow, would have told you to hop in with me!" WHAT?!?!?!?! At least I can pay back my overdraft now!

Finally got the bus and the bus driver said "You've been a good crowd! How bout a movie?" then he asked me to put on Iron Man as I was tall and close to the DVD player. I've never got a movie on a bus before! they always just leave the TVs off. If I've ever felt god's favour before, I do now. I am definitely meant to go to Austin.

Didn't get a good spot or the film though, I am in the front where the only TV in front of me is broken so I have to watch it on the one on the other side where it's a bad angle and the sun is bouncing off the screen. The speaker is broken too so I can hardly hear it. No other seats are free either, this is disappointing. WOW!!! some eastern european woman just went up to the bus driver and complained about the film distracting her from her work and asked to sit in one of the seats in the front that you aren't allowed to sit in and he told her that due to her complaint he would have to turn off the film. So I said she could switch seats with me where you can hardly see or hear it and now I have a kick ass speaker and a perfect view of a TV. WOO!!

Monday, 5 July 2010

Independence Day

My first fourth of July celebration in eleven years! i daresay for all the fuss about it, it doesn't really seem like that big a deal, the day was no different than any other day, when night came there was a free Pat Green gig, an orchestra playing the national anthem and maybe 15 minutes at best of elaborate, breath taking fireworks. I must say though that the fireworks were incredible!! They boast having "The biggest fireworks display in the Nation" which may mean the U.S.A and it may just mean Texas as they tend to do that.

I put on a bright red shirt - the Kraftwerk shirt for those who are familiar with it - and it turns out that was like a theme, a lot of the people would wear a red, white or blue T-Shirt to celebrate the holiday and almost all of those people went with red because neither of the other colours stand out. As a result of looking so patriotic I was afraid someone would start talking to me under the impression I am a real proud american only to find out I am the kind of American that doesn't actually know the Pledge of allegiance, anything more than the first line of the national anthem or the fact that the chorus that goes "America! America! Oh country tis of thee" is actually part of a different song entirely, I'll admit I have known better than the last part but for a much smaller period of time than I care to divulge.

Anyway!! The 52 minutes wait till I can finish my episode of Peep Show on MegaVideo is done so I suppose I'll wrap this up.

Take her easy, ladies and fellas!!

Friday, 2 July 2010

Hollywood Reaches a New Low.

Some of you may have read my facebook status briefly explaining the same thing but I still have anger about this subject I need to let out so I am afraid I'm making this blog post as well.

Death at a Funeral (2007) was an amazing film! with spud from Trainspotting, Steve the Pirate, some midget and generally an amazing cast! Everything about it was well done, especially the screenplay and the best part was the tagline: "From Director Frank Oz comes the story of a family that puts the F U into Funeral". That is a damn good tagline! Don't you just love a film that makes you laugh before you even see it?

Anyway! this film was very successful back in Britain but it didn't quite make it in America so!!! this happened:

Hollywood: Dammit!! We haven't made a good film since the nineties!! Almost every successful film to have come out in the last ten years is either based on a book or video game or is simply a remake of an older film!!

That Demon that appears on peoples shoulders and encourages them to do bad things: There's nothing wrong with that!! It makes you lots of money!

The Angel that usually appears on the other shoulder after the Demon has said his first line: But every day the film industry seems to push the art of film making further away! It is now almost completely about the money!! You get a bunch of well known actors that often aren't even quite right for the parts but who the audience are
familiar and will therefore regard it as a big movie; an unoriginal screenplay because for some reason there doesn't seem to be a single good screenplay writer out there and you make the film in a way that it will make the most money possible.

Hollywood: We could remake Star Wars!!

Hollywood's Demon: Lucas wouldn't allow it! What if you remade a British movie that hasn't seen much success over here in the states yet? Like... Trainspotting!!

Hollywood: Trainspotting has too much of a cult
following, people have heard of it... What about a movie that only came out less than three years ago... say... Death at a Funeral?

Hollywood's Demon: What?!!? No!! That's... EVIL!!! What happened to the Angel from the other shoulder??

Hollywood: The Angels gone, pal! So I suppose he won't mind if I take his idea about using lots of famous actors to make it seem like a big deal. We'll get some of the most beloved actors in Hollywood: Chris Rock, Danny glover, Martin Lawrence, Luke Wilson... can you think of any famous Dwarfs?

Hollywood's Demon: Gimli? Peter Dinklage? I don't want to help with this anymore... You've gone mad!!

Hollywood: Mad?? You ain't seen nothing yet! Peter Dinklage will do! he played the midget in the original but no one's going to realise that. Now what about the naked guy? nobody wants to see Steve the Pirate Naked! The British should have
realised that... James Marsden!! Everybody loves a naked James Marsden! We're going to be rich, Demon!! Rich!!!

Hollywood's Demon: Don't do it!!! Noooo! What the F*** happened to the Angel from the other shoulder?? No!!!

If you don't believe me, feel free to look it up, It has the same screenplay but they changed the names of all the characters! I hope you stand with me when I say "This better be the last time!!"

Thursday, 1 July 2010

U.S.A. - Complaint No. 1: Advert Breaks are mental.

The Advert breaks are bloody insane!! In Britain it is simple, a half hour television show starts at the end of an ad break and has one in the middle and one at the end unless it is on BBC or Sky Movies in which case it has no Ad breaks. Here the ad breaks are all over the place!! First off a half hour show will generally have two ad breaks, one more than one occasion three!!! take friends today for instance, it had an ad break at the end of the opening credits, one in the middle and one before the credits. It's such a let down to sit through an ad break only to find the credits of the show you've been watching, on top of that there was no ad break at the end!! It just went strait on to the next show!!!! It gets even worse than that though, I was watching a film where the credits were shown in a little square whilst a slightly larger square beside it showed the opening sequence of the family guy episode that was instantaneously beginning!!!


Sam and Donald: The Resurrection

Ok, It's been a bloody long time since I've written on here and it wouldn't be too hard to pronounce the blog dead but I figure life is becoming fairly interesting again so I'm going to attempt to resurrect it.

Sadly I feel that it may be too late to describe the majority of Me and Donald's adventures together which is funny considering the name of the blog and the fact that we only seem to write when we are apart. But try not to keep me to my word as I very much hope to break it on a rainy day.

First off I should explain what's changed since I have last written here: Donald is in New Zealand and has been for about two and a half months however he is moving back to Scotland in the next few days. He is now in a relationship with my very old friend, Alana who is in Portugal at the moment but will be joining Donald in Scotland. If ever there was a third member of Sam and Donald it would probably be her.

On the other hand, I am in a very different situation. I moved to Edinburgh after My year of travel with the intention of working over the summer and starting college in the Autumn. A month ago - 3 days before my Audition at my desired uni - I received a phone call from my parents explaining that my visa renewal had been rejected because some things got lost in the mail and we consequently missed the deadline.

I settled down with a job and a flat and enjoyed 3 wonderful months of living in Edinburgh, I spent time with old friends and made a lot of new ones. But sure enough, I was overdue for a sudden, dramatic life change and after hearing the news of my visa rejection I am now back in America, The first time i have lived here since I was nine years old.

As well as keeping you all up to date to where I am and what I am doing I want to keep a bit of focus on the American clich├ęs we are all familiar with from the films and sitcoms, like going to a baseball game and getting one of those giant, foam fingers that say "#1"; Going to a party heading upstairs with a girl and finding myself in a hilarious situation involving vomit or some other horrible substance; drinking beer out of a red, plastic cup that is white on the inside; going on one of those mechanical bull things; Getting Chinese in those square, white, cardboard boxes or spiking the punch at prom.

I know I keep on saying that I will keep up the blog and then end up abandoning it for even longer than I had initially and this probably will be the same story but maybe... just maybe life will be slow moving enough here for that not to be the case.