Friday, 2 July 2010

Hollywood Reaches a New Low.

Some of you may have read my facebook status briefly explaining the same thing but I still have anger about this subject I need to let out so I am afraid I'm making this blog post as well.

Death at a Funeral (2007) was an amazing film! with spud from Trainspotting, Steve the Pirate, some midget and generally an amazing cast! Everything about it was well done, especially the screenplay and the best part was the tagline: "From Director Frank Oz comes the story of a family that puts the F U into Funeral". That is a damn good tagline! Don't you just love a film that makes you laugh before you even see it?

Anyway! this film was very successful back in Britain but it didn't quite make it in America so!!! this happened:

Hollywood: Dammit!! We haven't made a good film since the nineties!! Almost every successful film to have come out in the last ten years is either based on a book or video game or is simply a remake of an older film!!

That Demon that appears on peoples shoulders and encourages them to do bad things: There's nothing wrong with that!! It makes you lots of money!

The Angel that usually appears on the other shoulder after the Demon has said his first line: But every day the film industry seems to push the art of film making further away! It is now almost completely about the money!! You get a bunch of well known actors that often aren't even quite right for the parts but who the audience are
familiar and will therefore regard it as a big movie; an unoriginal screenplay because for some reason there doesn't seem to be a single good screenplay writer out there and you make the film in a way that it will make the most money possible.

Hollywood: We could remake Star Wars!!

Hollywood's Demon: Lucas wouldn't allow it! What if you remade a British movie that hasn't seen much success over here in the states yet? Like... Trainspotting!!

Hollywood: Trainspotting has too much of a cult
following, people have heard of it... What about a movie that only came out less than three years ago... say... Death at a Funeral?

Hollywood's Demon: What?!!? No!! That's... EVIL!!! What happened to the Angel from the other shoulder??

Hollywood: The Angels gone, pal! So I suppose he won't mind if I take his idea about using lots of famous actors to make it seem like a big deal. We'll get some of the most beloved actors in Hollywood: Chris Rock, Danny glover, Martin Lawrence, Luke Wilson... can you think of any famous Dwarfs?

Hollywood's Demon: Gimli? Peter Dinklage? I don't want to help with this anymore... You've gone mad!!

Hollywood: Mad?? You ain't seen nothing yet! Peter Dinklage will do! he played the midget in the original but no one's going to realise that. Now what about the naked guy? nobody wants to see Steve the Pirate Naked! The British should have
realised that... James Marsden!! Everybody loves a naked James Marsden! We're going to be rich, Demon!! Rich!!!

Hollywood's Demon: Don't do it!!! Noooo! What the F*** happened to the Angel from the other shoulder?? No!!!

If you don't believe me, feel free to look it up, It has the same screenplay but they changed the names of all the characters! I hope you stand with me when I say "This better be the last time!!"

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